Hidden but seen

It may appear that I have eaten one too many pies, but I am pregnant and my baby girl is growing! Most expectant mothers see their baby three or four times at routine ultra-sounds, but I get to see my little one all the time. I have this medical condition called ‘elderly primigravida’. Yes. ELDERY! It sounds like I should have a zimmer frame and take up bingo on a Thursday morning, but it in just fact means I am 35 and pregnant with my first child. (Before I buy big knickers and start looking for a warden controlled flat, I beg the medical profession to rethink this label!!!)

Despite the title, it’s wonderful having elderly primigravida because I get the best medical care in our area. I am a patient of the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) department at Eastern Virginia Medical School. If you think Grey’s Anatomy, this is where Dr. Addison Shepherd would work. Yes – only the best for Mrs. and baby Kelley! And yes – Grey’s Anatomy is real.

As a patient of MFM, I had weekly ultrasounds from week six to week twelve of gestation; 3D ultrasounds began at week ten and now I have appointments every two weeks to see my wonderful OBGYN.

Whether a mini handheld ultrasound or the ultrasound-beast-of-a-machine, I have seen my baby grow. I saw her when she was just a dot on the ultrasound screen, and a week later I saw her tiny arms beginning to grow (they were these two cute little stubbies!!) More recently I have seen her thighbone, her brain, and her heart pump blood in and out. I have seen my baby girl wave at me, squirm because we are disturbing her and pose a little for the camera (whose child is she????). I’ve even seen her little kidneys! She’s a miracle growing rapidly and perfectly and I get to watch this on a fortnightly basis!! Every time I see her, I cry. I mean… There she is… A beautiful miracle growing inside of me.

King David wrote in Psalm 139:15, “My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret”. Deep in my body, a life is being formed. I am now ‘showing’, but my baby has been growing since ovulation over four months ago! She’s been the best secret. Unless you saw me turn down wine (a clear giveaway of pregnancy for me!) or knew how truly exhausted I was, most people had no idea I was carrying a child. But I knew her and saw her because my doctors have the technology to show me.  I heard her heartbeat. I loved her.

There are times in our lives when we feel hidden. We feel like many others have the “life” that we want. They have the job, family and recognition we desire for ourselves. We are overlooked. We are not seen. And this is a tough place to be. We want to be celebrated, not ignored.

But like my baby girl, we are hidden from the world but not hidden from God. We are in a secret place, growing and growing perfectly.  We are seen and are being shaped by the Artist. I don’t think my baby girl is aware of what a miracle she is to me and how loved she is. But regardless of her awareness, she is a miracle, she is seen and she is loved so much.

Just like us… Children of God… Miraculous, seen and loved even when we don’t know it.